


The Formation of a Union we all want

by MisledGoddess



Category: Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Drunk Driving, Edinburgh, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Jealousy, Liberal Democat Battle Bus, London, M/M, Political insanity, Scotland, The Brexit Bus, The Conservative Party, The Green Party, The Labour Party, The Liberal Democrats, The SNP, Westminster, bet ya didn't see that tag coming, community: lolitics_meme, enjoy, eventually, hostages, mad hacking skills, oh deary me what a story i have made, scots, sod it, why did i spend my weekend on this, wibbly wobbly timey wimey, you'll see how this unfolds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisledGoddess/pseuds/MisledGoddess
Summary: The SNP are doing great in the polls, but certain Tories aren't happy with this. They are jealous. They need to rectify this. What happens when the Prime Minister tries to confront 'The Most Dangerous Woman In Britain'?





	1. Unionism

The aroma of sweet tea pranced and spiraled through the air of Theresa's Downing Street apartment. She was just sitting down to a private 'meeting' with Scottish Conservative leader Ruth Davidson who was in fact a very close friend of hers. Now, over the last decade there hadn't been much standing in their way - besides the Labour party were now completely useless! But there was always one annoyance that bugged the shit out of the two of them. Sure, the Scottish Labour party were (in their eyes) not a threat so theoretically they should be in power. Unfortunately for them, Scotland had frantically dug up its roots in a last ditch attempt to save them from their inevitable destruction and managed to grow another opposition- the SNP- and this time, the Scots were unstoppable.

"You know, no matter how many times we attack the SNP for their divisive nationalism, they always slap us down with the same response. Can't you simmer down the Brexit bunch for once?"

"I don't think that it's as easy as it sounds, Ruth!" Theresa chuckled. Just the thought of Boris' mad hairdo was enough to make her giggle.

"But come on, Theresa. We're not going to get very far with the electorate if Ms Sturgeon consistently has a stronger argument against even the UK government itself!"

"Calm down now. We'll divise a plan to rid Scotland of this disease. Now you keep doing a good job with your media appearances. They were very amusing indeed during the Scottish elections!". Theresa could always count on Ruth to give them a quick boost in the polls.

"Look, it's not gonnae be that simple. They are moving quickly and we can't afford to be as slow and indecisive as we are on Brexit. We can't keep using the same rhetoric, May! They're dragging us through the dirt!"

"What are you suggesting?"

"I don't kn-"

"Think of something! You have more knowledge about Nicola and her weak points than I do!"

"Theresa, we can't just invite her around for Tunnocks and bribes! She takes her work faar too seriously to take time off for that!"

"I think the political term is a 'private meeting', Ruth". And they were off again, laughing uncontrollably about the irony of that joke. Of course, they can't just ship Sturgeon from Edinburgh to London to tell her to say or do something dodgy so they could reclaim the Scottish electorate! The idea was utterly absurd - and yet the two of them came to consider it extraordinary depth...

"But what if we did something, say, personal, that would mean it takes YEARS for it to surface with the press?"

"Let's try and hold off the assassination of family memb-"

"Theresa that's not what I'm-

"Look, we'd get so much bad publicity from this if we even approached her and asked her to get off of her high horse! We'd be in ruins!"

"I mean, you and her do have good chemistry"

"That's not the point!"

"You two seem to get on REALLY well with each other"

"Ruth..."

"You know you want to, Theresa". There was a brief pause. Was the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom really about to persuade Sturgeon to stop being such a threat through sheer flirtation alone? No. Ruth can't be seriously suggesting that! But Ruth winked at Theresa, a grin lining her face.

"I'll help" she whispered. Theresa sighed.

"I guess there's no other way, is there?". Ruth nodded.

"Next week, same time, my place. Now scram!" Theresa exclaimed. Ruth rushed giggling out of the building. A week. A week until politics, once again, gets nasty.

* * *

 

A bothersome ringtone blarred from the desk of the First Minister, who was just packing up for the day.

"Now? Really?" An exasperated Sturgeon swore under her breath. All she wanted to do was go home and settle down in front of the tele, firmly away from the every day frustrations of her job. She slouched in her desk chair and answered.

"Hello? Nicola Sturgeon, First Minister of Scotland, how can I help you?"

"Ah, Nicola. I know this is probably going to be - well it is- pretty inconvenient but can we arrange to meet up next week? Only it is a matter of importance regarding the whole Brexit shenanigans" Theresa told her. Nicola sighed. Shenanigans? Really? This is an important matter regarding lives!

"Aye. Sure. I guess. Sorry, I'm just really tired right now" she sighed, arduously pulling out her diary and plonking onto her desk.

"Aye. So next week then?" Nicola reiterated. She understood well that this is what the people of Scotland have elected her to do, but the Berocca and the caffeine had faded now and she was becoming increasingly irritated. Nicola hastily scribbled down the date into her diary.

"Alright" she muttered "well thank you for getting in touch with me, Theresa, and I'm looking forward to meeting up with you next Friday"

"Me too. Goodbye!"

"Bye!". Truth of the matter was, Nicola wasn't looking forward to it at all. But that was a matter for another day and besides, she was longing for the comfort of her warm bed. Nicola packed up her things and wearily trudged down and out of the Scottish Parliament, flung herself in to her husbands car which was waiting for her outside and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Three vigorous knocks at Theresa's door resonated throughout the apartment. Theresa rolled on her side and checked her alarm clock. 6am? Was Ruth mad? Theresa stumbled out from under her toasty duvet and trekked into the hallway. Knock. Knock.

"ALRIGHT I'M COMING!" Theresa yelled, flinging her tired body towards the handle and dismally opening the door.

"Ruth."

"Theresa. Sorry about the time; the train was early"

"Okay, fine. Come on in. My husband's out anyway". Theresa led Ruth into the living room.

"Coffee?"

"That would be delightful" Ruth said, switching on the TV. Today, Ruth may actually get the power she wants. That power being control over Scotland, that is!

"So, Theresa. What's your plan?"

"Well, I'm going to meet up with her after the conference at around 8pm-ish. I think we'd be able to get a good talk going"

"I see. Optimistic". Little did Theresa know that Ruth had something else up her sleeves...

"Well, I'm also having a wee meeting with the Sturgeon too. Afternoon sometime. Straight after I've tried my hand at a bit of kickboxing" she chuckled.

"Well you better not do anything that'll make her less likely to listen to me!"

"Don't you worry, Big T. I've got a trick up my sleeve which'll make her more likely to listen"

"Oh? It better not be something illegal"

"Don't you worry about it" Ruth assured her. Theresa handed Ruth a mug of coffee, and the two of them whittled away the morning laughing, scheming and watching the news.

* * *

 

"Gloomy old London, eh?" Nicola muttered to herself drearily whilst sipping on her cheap cup of coffee. Her train seat may have been First class, but the coffee certainly wasn't! It's probably the stuff the losing team drank on The Apprentice! Vile!

"We're now approaching your destination. Please remember to take all your luggage with you and mind the gap on your way out. Thank you!" that damned recording told her. Nicola shut her black folder and popped it into her leather shoulder bag. Today was the day Theresa might actually give her some info on how Brexit is going to play out!

"Thank God!" she thought, visualising her return home to be as heroic as a firefighter retrieving a young girl from a blazing building. Oh, it would make her the happiest woman alive! But she'd learned from the last referendum not to get her hopes up - which dampened her spirit.

Nicola sped out of the train as fast as her black kitten heels could carry her, desperate to find some decent food. But she also saw a familiar figure in the corner of her eye, which stopped her in her tracks. She was wearing a black jumpsuit with a red over-coat. Her black hair was cut much shorter than hers and she wore only flats. It couldn't be. Could it?

"This better be a coincidence" Nicola muttered bitterly. She took a deep breath and decided to see what wee Ruthy was up to.

"Oi, Davidson"

"Nicola! Fancy seeing you here!" Ruth chuckled.

"What brings you here?"

"You"

"Aye??" she said, slightly disturbed. Her? Why all the way here, in England? Why not up in Scotland at her residence or something?

"Aye. You're meeting the Prime Minister later, correct?"

"Aye..."

"Well there's something I need to say to you before you meet with her"

"Well I still have 6 hours or so"

"Yeah well this'll only take a few minutes. Come with me somewhere more...private"

"Aye, sure..." Nicola mumbled, noticeably agitated. What the hell did Ruth want from her? Ruth guided them around the train station, to an abandoned alleyway near the entrance.

"Whit?"

"Whit, indeed". And with a swing of a fist, Nicola was knocked out stone cold.

* * *

 

The light stung through Nicola's eyes as she awoke. She groaned heavily. Where was she? What had dodgy Davidson done this time? Nicola had been tied up against a chair in what appeared to be the cabinet room. Her head ached as she recollected what happened.

"Hullo??". Her weary voice echoed throughout the empty room. She then acknowledged her apparent lack of clothes. Somebody had obviously stripped her down to her lingerie - a lacy red bra and black knickers. Nicola knew Ruth was gay but she didn't know that she was into HER! And then, two warm and fully clothed arms wrapped themselves around her waist.

"Hello..." Ruth whispered seductively in her ear "...you look very, nice"

"Let me go, Davidson!" Sturgeon protested.

"Dinnae make me suspend ye from th' ceiling, Sturgeon"

"Whit?! Thes isnae Fifty Shades ay Grey, Ruth! Wa woods ye e'en dae sic' a hin'?"

"I know you're scared but your in England now. Enunciate, Nicola"

"For God sakes, Ruth!". Nicola desperately tried to untangle herself from the ropes that bound her to the chair. She frantically tried to pull herself away from the seat - but it was to no avail. Ruth balanced her head on Nicola's shoulder and chuckled.

"No one will hear your cries from in here" she muttered. Fleetingly, another set of heels came rushing down the stairs. Who was seriously about to interrupt Ruth? Nobody interrupts Ruth! Theresa burst into the cabinet room.

"RUTH DAVIDSON!" Theresa yelled exasperatingly.

"May? I was just having a friendly discussi-"

"DO NOT SET A FINGER ON HER!". Ruth flung herself back at the wall in complete and utter shock. Theresa rushed to untie Sturgeon from the chair, taking her time to wholeheartedly death stare Davidson.

"But we were going to punish-"

"Silence. Haven't you done enough?". Before long, Nicola managed to escape. Swiftly, she scrambled over to the other side of the room where her clothes lay scattered on the floor. The two Tories started angrily threatening each other behind her, but she didn't care. All Nicola was currently focussed on was getting dressed and fucking off out of here!

"Right. That's enough, Ruth. This is the final straw" Theresa spat "now leave!". Finally acknowledging what she'd done, Ruth scrambled out of the building. Theresa walked over to Nicola and gently placed an arm around her.

"I am so sorry" Theresa sighed "I wish I could've stopped her sooner"

"Don't worry about it" Nicola whispered, zipping up her black dress. Theresa noticed that a bruise was beginning to form on the right side of Nicola's face.

"What did she do to you?" Theresa gasped.

"Knocked me oot!" she chuckled. Theresa took Nicola into her arms and comforted her.

"Come on, I'll make this up to you". Theresa guided Nicola (and her luggage) upstairs to her apartment, where, lo and behold, Theresa had prepared some tasty bribes for Nicola to indulge in. The sweet aroma filled the house, giving it a welcoming aura. Nicola jumped down out of her heels.

"Thank you" she smiled, gazing into her bright blue eyes. Nicola gripped Theresa tightly and buried her broken face in her collar-bone; Theresa ran her hands through her blonde hair.

"Come on in..."

* * *

 

The two of them spent the afternoon laughing and giggling in front of the tele, drinking coffee and wolfing down the confectionaries. Theresa had always made sure that Nicola was safe during that time - and by safe I mean in her arms. They were at opposite ends of the political spectrum and yet they acted like best friends. And now, Theresa was inviting Nicola to try on her dresses. First, a red dress with a small 'v' cut into the middle. Nicola strutted in front of the mirror and chuckled.

"I look like I belong on the tele!" she beamed "Och, I look too good in this"

"I mean, what is too good for you?" Theresa smiled. Next was a strapless black dress. It looked very big on Nicola, but Theresa loved it - especially when Nicola put her hands on her hips.

"Beautiful" she grinned, lifting her head "I look rather powerful in this, don't you think?". Theresa stumbled forward, smoothly landed on her bed and snickered.

"Too powerful". Lastly, it was another red dress. However, this time the dress's 'v' was across the whole top section, revealing a lot of cleavage.

"Fuck, she looks hot" Theresa thought, acknowledging her power slipping.

"What do ya think?" Nicola said smirking and walking closer to her suggestively.

"I think that's quite enough!" Theresa said, standing up.

"Huh?". Nicola turned around awkwardly to face the mirror, her cheeks starting to turn red.

"For faaar too long now you have been destroying my party north of the border. For far too long now you and your silly nationalists have been stealing OUR power and creating a kind of political uncertainty that is-" Theresa stopped and sighed "I'm just jealous". Nicola glanced up at Theresa, who had now got her arms wrapped around her waist.

"I'm sorry..." Nicola sighed "I should lea-"

"NO" Theresa argued "you should stay". In that moment of angst and confusion, the two leaders' lips met. There was silence.

"Make me" Nicola whispered pleadingly. She knew that her instincts would kick in and she would run off if Theresa didn't give her a reason to stay very soon. Theresa took a step back, noticeably angry.

"Okay, Miss Independent" Theresa said sternly "take off my clothes!". Nicola compliantly unzipped the dress, letting it fall to the floor. What was she about to get herself into?

"Mmm" Theresa moaned as she sat down "sit on my lap". Helplessly, Nicola obeyed and positioned herself towards to mirror. Theresa's arms locked around her waist and her hands played with her lacy bra and teased Nicola's throbbing clitoris.

"Do you like it when I treat you like this?"

"Yesss" Nicola sighed. She was loving this, but what the hell was she going to tell her husband? Or Theresa's husband? Or the press? Or the electorate?

"Theresa" Nicola whispered "What are we going to do if anyone finds out about this?". Theresa planted a kiss on her neck.

"They will never find out". Mmm, Theresa's warm breath excited Nicola even more. Theresa slipped her hand down into Nicola's underwear and caressed her pulsating clitoris. Theresa could feel Nicola trembling with pleasure. She let out a long, quiet moan.

"You secretly like this union, don't you?" Theresa cheekily remarked. Nicola just moaned and moved to kiss her. Theresa gently placed Nicola on her bed and carefully unhooked her bra, placing it on her bedside table. The pair passionately kissed as Nicola pulled off Theresa's cardigan and dress, until they were both just in their underwear. Theresa then ran kisses down to her crotch and started to nibble at her knickers. Nicola quivered. She'd never done this with a girl before. Not even her and Leanne did this shit! And yet Nicola stayed. Theresa started to suck and slowly pull off her lacy underwear with her teeth and very soon Nicola was laying naked in front of the Prime Minister. Theresa gave Nicola another kiss and flipped her onto her front. From there, Theresa used the ropes from earlier to tie Nicola's wrists to the bed frame. Theresa slid underneath Nicola and tightened her arms around her hips and started to run her tongue through Nicola's wet folds. Nicola let out a moan and pulled at the ropes when Theresa, once again, reached her clitoris. The PM played and circled it, adjusting the speed to her desires until, suddenly, Nicola flung her head back and let out a great big final moan, signalling orgasm. Without even stopping, Theresa slid out from underneath to straighten out Nicola's body and laid herself on top of her. Nicola was still overwhelmed from the orgasm, her core trembling. Theresa reached for her bedside cabinet and brought out a strap on and a bottle of lube. She then adjusted the strap on and coated it in a generous amount of lubricant and began to kiss Nicola's neck passionately, moaning alongside her.

"Honey, you're doing so well" Theresa muttered into her ear. Nicola whimpered.

"You're so good. Please...fuck me harder". And so that's what Theresa did. She slowly entered Nicola's core with the strap on and start vigorously humping her. Nicola let out numerous deep moans during this time period. Theresa wrapped her arms around her waist as she sped up. The two of them moaned together and soon enough Nicola was, once again, at the brink of orgasm.

"Please" she begged "Please Theresa"

"Don't you worry sweetie, you'll come very soon". Nicola then let out a loud cry. She had once again found herself being sexually fulfilled by her political opponent. For a few moments, the couple just laid there, trying to process the sex they'd just had and how overwhelmed with joy they were. Was this love? Who knows! Theresa then promptly took off the strap on and untied Nicola from her bed frame. Nicola adjusted herself upright and they both took a few sighs to get them over what they'd just done.

"Right, you" Nicola turned around, a smug grin lining her face "I'll show you who's really boss". And as Nicola threw an unsuspecting Theresa down onto her back, the beginning of a better union began - and no one went independent again.

 


	2. Dash from the Starting Block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Prime Minister has left Ruth Davidson absolutely exasperated. How could the PM go against her plan like that? She was only trying to help! Ruth sets out to go against Nicola her own way. Revenge is a dish best served cold, mind.

The sharpened wheels of the Flying Scotsman sped along the train tracks, almost as if they were racing the train itself back home! Ruth sat in the first class carriage, notebook in hand, staring ominously into the distance. It had only been a matter of hours since Theresa May had yelled those harsh words to her face. They stung her pride and tore away at her soul. Rage had bolted through her system and it was how she'd ended up here, alone on a carriage for rich people. Ruth furiously scribbled down scrambled thoughts and broken sentences onto her brand new notepad she bought in London. Ruth Davidson was out for revenge. In her head, she reckoned that if she wrote down enough ideas they would all come together and form a master plan. This master plan in question would be the demise of the ship the internet had the audacity to call 'Sturmay'. This master plan would be the fall of the SNP as the party would descend into chaos without their precious Nicola! But, first and foremost, this master plan would give way to the rise of Davidson herself. 'Ruth Davidson MSP, First Minister of Scotland' they would call her. Yes, she could see it now. She would finally have power over her much valued country of Scotland - and there would be no Sturgeon to stop her.

  
"Oh..err..Ruth?" an awkward voice muttered from the opposite end of the carriage "are....are you...okay?". Ruth shot her attention towards his seat, visibly irritated by his futile interruption.

  
"Whit?" Ruth snapped, making this imbecile degenerate shudder in fright. Wait. What? Oh...it was...Nick Clegg? Ruth grew incredibly confused, wondering what on planet Earth had brought him here.

  
"I...er...was just going to...the Scottish Parliament" he hesitated.  
"Oh?"

  
"Yeah I was...meeting with Wil-"

  
"SAE WAS AH YE WEE SHITEBAG AFAIR YE INTERRUPTED-"

  
"Hey, hey, calm down. What's going on?" Cleggy asked understandingly, making his way to the seat next to her. Ruth sighed furiously, in obvious distress.

  
"Theresa yelled at me..." she mumbled, diverting her attention to the window, her cheeks as red of the Labour party.

  
"Why did she yell at you?"

  
"I was trying to talk to Nicola and then..."

  
"Are you sure you were just 'trying to talk'?"

"Yes!"

"Okay! Okay! I'm sure the Prime Minister was just having a bad day, Ruth"

"Okay....fine."

"We all good?"

"Yes..." she muttered, still visibly annoyed.

When the train reached the station, Nick helped a frustrated Ruth Davidson off with her luggage.

"Why are you even helping me?" Ruth whimpered, tears puddling around her eyes.

"Because I care. Now, let's just head to the Scottish Parliament and I'm sure everything will be okay from there"

"Okay.." Ruth whispered, desperately fighting back the tears. It was hard to accept rejection, but the worst was yet to come...

* * *

  
Theresa's phone alarm went off abruptly and rudely awakened her from a good nights sleep. Theresa slept soundly next to Nicola, the only person who anyone would proudly call their sexual partner. Last night was the night Theresa had dreamt of ever since Sturgeon became the leader of the SNP way back in 2014. The way her eyes glowed had always fascinated her. Her warm smile had always brightened her day. But even Theresa felt vulnerable near her. Was it her perfectly ironed dresses or her killer heels that made her feel this way? Who knows. Was it her power over being able to reduce Theresa's power by calling a referendum? Maybe. But Theresa would still stay around to observe her nippy sweetie.

"Cabinet..." Theresa murmurred to herself, being freshly reminded of her alarm. She launched her tired body out of bed and landed with one big crash. Hopefully it wouldn't wake Nicola. Theresa scrambled to collect her clothes off the floor that Nicola had been wearing whilst frantically brushing her teeth. Hurriedly, she did her makeup whilst wolfing down a pastry, slipped into her heels, grabbed her cabinet notes and headed for the door.

"Wait." she muttered, grabbing a pen and a pad. She scribbled down a message for Nicola in case she wasn't back before she woke up, and fled out of the door.

"2 hours" Theresa mumbled "2 hours in a cabinet meeting. What could possibly go wrong?"

* * *

  
"Right, Clegg" Ruth declared "you're gonnae get the coffee, I'm gonnae talk to the other party leaders"

"About what? It's 6 o'clock in the morning!"

"Oh believe me, they're committed". Ruth sprinted up the stairs, distinguishing an 'alright' from Cleggers at the bottom. Ruth needed the support of parliament before she was going to do anything meaningful. Ruth headed towards the Labour offices, desperate to hear the verdict of Kezia who, and I quote, wanted Nicola's desk. She could hear the cries of a certain Lib Dem politician, who, from inside, was yelling his own name rather excitedly.

"WULLEH RENNIE!!" Willie Rennie repeated wildly "WILLIE.....RENNNNNIIEEEE!"

"Has he been on the caffeine again?" Ruth asked.

"Aye" Kezia Dugdale and Patrick Harvie sighed despairingly "we've been up since 3 dealing with his bullshit"

"3? That's a bit early"

"Well, we do need to develop a better strategy for First Minister's Questions" Patrick added.

"We all just keep being shot down and dismissed" a frustrated Dugdale explained. Ruth quietly shut the door behind her.

"You were preparing a strategy...without me?"

"Your party's chance of electoral credibility is a lost cause now, Ruth" Harvie told her sternly, lifting his face from the palm of his hand.

"Well, I've got a plan". The room was silent.

"You.....you've got...a plan?" Kezia stuttered, astonished.

"WULLLEEEEH....REENNNNIIIEEE" Willie repeated. At this point in time, everyone was certain that he had had a wee bit more than caffeine before beginning his shift.

"Shut it, Rennie"

"But it's fun to say my na-"

"But electoral defeat isn't fun, is it?!"

"Aye, alright....jeez"

"Quiet now. Now, my plan is, well, it's a wee bit extreme, but worth it in the long run ESPECIALLY when it comes to keeping the UK together"

"Aye...we're listening" Kezia and Patrick said in unison.

"Right, so. We go ower tae Bute"

"Aye..."

"And we take Nicola hostage.". Huge rounds of laughter resonated throughout the office. Take the First Minister of Scotland hostage? What was she on?! Even Willie Rennie couldn't reach that level of insanity! Poor Patrick was in tears!

"T-t-ttake Nicola....HOSTAGE!" Patrick Harvie screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Ruth, I hope you're not being serious!" Kezia howled across the room.

"I'm being deadly serious". The intense laughter of the office abruptly stopped.

"W-wait. What?" Willie uttered, gobsmacked.

"It's the only way we can rid Scotland of this terrible disease!"

"Bit harsh coming for your end, Ruthy" Kezia sternly told her. 'Oohs' and 'shite's came from all corners of the room.

"Ye want tae square go, like?"

"Nae thanks I'm fine" Kezia reassured her, awkwardly getting up to fetch herself a cup of tea.

"So are you with me or not?"

"Ruth, you'd get into so much trouble doing that" Willie Rennie stated, now rattled that Davidson would even do such a thing.

"Nobody has to know"

"It's Bute House for heavens sake!"

"A'ight fine! I'll do it alone"

"Ru-". But before the trio could stop Davidson, she had already charged out of the room and was headed for the stairs. The trio exchanged astonished looks.

"Should we go after her?" Willie asked. They looked at one another in agreement, and then scrambled out of the room. There was little time to spare.

"RUTH!" They yelled, desperately trying to stop her "Ruth! Ye cannae do something like that tae a political opponent!". But Ruth was already gone.

* * *

  
"Two large coffees to go, please" Nick asked the man behind the counter.

"'at woods be £7.90, sairr" the man replied. Nick ruffled through his wallet and passed him a ten pound note from the Bank of England, faintly amusing the man on the other side of the counter.

"Two large coffees comin' reit up". Nick stood there awkwardly, browsing the pastries. Why would Theresa May shout at Ruth Davidson - the only Tory in Scotland? What's the point? Was Theresa being overly critical of her team? Well, to be fair she was always doing that in the Home office...

"Two large coffees tae go, sairr"

"Thank you" Nick replied, picking up the coffee carrier. He headed over to some empty seats near the stairs and placed down the coffees on the table and patiently waited for Davidson to appear. He decided to call Willie to see what he was up to. Ring ring. Ring ring. Oh bother, maybe Willie was driving! It was early in the morning, after all! Ring ring. Ring ring.

"H-h-hullo?" an out of breath Willie gasped.

"Willie! It's me! I'm in the café! Are you alright?"

"R-ruth's gonnae kill her"

"Kill who?". But before Willie Rennie could even answer a dedicated Davidson came sprinting down the staircase like her life depended on it.

"Gotta dash. I've gotta find out what's going on with Davidson and May" Nick informed him, and hung up the phone.

"Ruth!" Nick shouted.

"Nick!" Ruth exclaimed "look, we need tae go!" she said running towards him.

"Why?"

"Follow me!".

Ruth guided Nick and her coffee to where she'd left her car over the weekend. It was down a gloomy, cobbled path that looked like a flashback from the Victorian era. Of course, no one would truly know that for sure!

"Right" Ruth explained "Gimme the coffee"

"Okay.." Nick said compliantly.

"Right". Ruth reached into the car and pulled out a knife and swiftly put Nick into a headlock.

"Yoo're gonna dae everythin' ah say frae noo oan, reit?" Ruth yelled, sticking the knife to his throat. Nick didn't know how to react. One minute they were friends and the next she was abducting him! He'd never been kidnapped before...

"R-r-ruth...p-please.."

"Yoo're gonnae dae everythin' ah say fae noo oan, arenae ye?" She repeated.

"Y-y-yeah" Cleggers mumbled.

"Guid". And with that, she threw a mildly confused Clegg into the back of her car (making sure to tie his hands and legs together) and sped off out of Edinburgh, probably to somewhere near Kirkcaldy. To a whiskey distillery, maybe. Yes, she'd need top notch bribing material to keep Clegg happy and to bait Sturgeon. Yes, she really was going to do it and no, it wouldn't be easy, but it was worth a try. Revenge is best served cold, after all...

* * *

"Okay... what do we do now?" Patrick Harvie asked Kezia and Willie, panicking.

"Call the polis on her?" Kezia suggested.

"The polis will just think we're prank calling them again!"

"Ach. Who's got the number to MI5?"

"MI5?!" Kezia and Patrick turned around in utter confusion

"ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?!" Patrick shrieked at the top of his voice "whit is up wi' ye the-day?"

"Nicola has the number to MI5" Kezia informed them.

"And you know this because..."

"R-r-research. I assure you it was definitely just research"

"Ach, fine. I guess my hacking skills will finally come to good use"

"WHIT? Hacking skills?" Kezia inquired "I thought you were good with trees not technology!"

"Whit indeed" Patrick said, cracking his knuckles. And with that, the trio followed each other back inside the building, wondering what nonsense Patrick was going to come out with next.


	3. Taking Advantage of the Local Resources

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Ruth decide to take down Nicola? How will Theresa react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is coming out either this evening (UK time) or tomorrow, my lovelies!

The sunlight marched through her deep brown eyes as she finally regained consciousness. How long had she been asleep? Nicola glimpsed over at the tired old clock in the corner. 8:30? Already? Nicola rolled over onto her back to find herself in an empty bed. All there was was a note on the bedside table.

"I'm just out for a cabinet meeting, dear. Be back soon. Don't go anywhere! Theresa x" the note read. Hmm. Well at least she had a whole fridge to take advantage of! Nicola scrambled out from under the duvet and made her way to the kitchen, craving the indulgence of a Tunnocks caramel wafer. She eagerly opened the fridge to find...nothing but organic Waitrose Essential or M&S branded vegetables. What the fuck was all this about?! What is this English nonsense? The apparent lack of Tunnocks had deeply moved Nicola so much so that she was now fleeing the front door of 10 Downing Street in order to find the Scottish isle in one of little England's many posh supermarkets.

Big Ben had struck 11 by the time Nicola sped into a nearby Tescos, her long black coat wavering in the wind.

"Tunnocks, Tunnocks, Tunnocks" Nicola muttered "Where would the Tunnoc-". And with a sharp hit on the back of the head with a large and heavy object, Nicola Sturgeon was once again knocked out stone cold.

* * *

 

“Well, I say, chums” Michael Gove coughed as he choked on a shot of Scotch whiskey “this _is_ the good stuff”

“And it is far better to be enjoyed from inside the union!” Osborne cried, to the amusement of the Eton Brigade.

“George, I do think we need to calm down and respect the 45% of Scots who did want to get away from us...” Cameron suggested.

“Come on, David!” said Gove “No one can escape our magnificence! And besides, they've voted for more of us anyway!”

“First the General Election and now Europe!” Osborne jeered “At this rate, we could become a one party state!”

“What, like Scotland?”. The trio cackled maniacally. Not only had they removed the people's power by announcing a 100% cut in EU membership, but they had kept together a union just to keep the power in their own pockets (and for other benefits like access whiskey distilleries). Before they could carry on their conversation, though, a short, bulkly built Scottish woman with short black hair stormed in to the shop, frantically looking for the most expensive brand of whiskey she could find.

“Ruth?” David asked, recognizing the anxious woman.

“David?” Ruth replied “what are you doing here?”. There was an awkward silence.

“Taking advantage of the local resources?”. Ruth rolled her eyes in despair.

“Anyway, what brings you here? Shouldn't you be at work?” Gove inquired.

“Actually, I'm looking for people to help me take down wee nippie. Are any of you willing?”

“What do you mean, “take down wee nippie”?” Osborne asked. Ruth began eyeing up the shelves, aiming to find the best whiskey the whole of bonnie Scotland had ever seen.

“Nicola Sturgeon. Take. down. Nicola Sturgeon. Are you with me?” Ruth exhaled, jogging around the shop, continuing her search.

“How? How the hell are you going to take down Mrs Krankie? She has half of Scotland behind her! Do you understand how many people that is?!” Gove cried, trying his best to follow her, but really, he was more unfit than Eric Pickles.

“Yes, which is why I'm asking for your help”. Ruth brought down a bottle from the shelf labelled 'Luxury Whiskeys' and gawked at the price.

“Perfect...” Ruth muttered to herself. She made her way over to the counter.

“B-but, Ruth!”

“But, David!” Ruth scorned “May I remind you who got us into this mess in the first place!”

“Fine....come on chaps, time to clean up some of the mess we've made”

“Yeah, the _Eton mess_ ” Osborne snickered.

“Meet me back at my car. I've got Cleggy tied up in there. _Don't you dare_ let him escape”. Ruth glared at them, deadly serious. David's eyes lit up.

“CLEEGGGGYYYY!” He screamed and frantically raced out of the distillery, a confused Osborne and Gove following behind him.

Ruth purchased the whiskey and headed out of the door. She couldn't believe how well things were falling into her hands. Her power hungry hands. Yes, this was the day she would finally take back control from the tyrants of Holyrood. The Scottish government. Ruth was just about to enter the car park when she heard some bickering from the side of the road.

“No, Owen! That's not how spanners work!”

“Well what would you know, Miliband? I'll have you know that I once worked in biotechnology! I have more experience at fixing things than you do!”

“Owen, this is a car engine, not a fucking nano-bot!”

“Ed, you're confusing biotechnology with nano-”

“Shut it, you two” Ruth ordered, snatching the spanner out of Owen Smith's hands and slamming down the hood of his car “I'll give you a lift”

“You don't even know where we're-”

“Silence, Welshie” Ruth instructed “Follow me”. Ruth escorted the two extremely confused politicians back to her car, where, Osborne and Gove were patiently waiting while an extremely anxious David Cameron was banging on the right passenger window, desperately trying to communicate with Clegg.

“Nick! NICK! Are you okay in there? I miss you every day, my sweetheart! I can't stop thinking about you! Please! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!” David implored. Huh! Maybe Clameron was real after all! Ruth unlocked the car and everybody clambered in.

“Er...Ruth?” Ed moaned “There's no more seats!”

“Correct, but there is room in the boot” Ruth told him. And before you could say 'Help! Ruth Davidson has abducted me!', she had tied the two of them together, squeezed them into the boot and slammed the lid down on them.

“Perfect” Ruth muttered to herself, and made her way to the drivers seat. She hopped in and shut the door behind her.

“Right, Ruth” Gove asked “What's the plan?”

“We're gonnae head back to Edinburgh and I'll bait Sturgeon with a private meeting. You'll wait behind me and when I give the signal you'll jump out and kidnap her”

“What? That's absurd!”

“BREXIT'S ABSURD, MICHAEL, AN' YE STILL DID IT!”

“ALRIGHT! Alright....”

“But what are we going to do about Clegg?” David sobbed, delicately stroking Nick's soft face like he was some abandoned caged animal.

“He'll be let out in his own time”

“Why are we taking hostages, again?” Osborne asked.

“So we have no opposition”

“But what about the SNP MPs?” Gove intervened.

“You're right”. Ruth put her whisky down into the coffee cup holder and pulled out her phone.

“David Mundell....David Mundell...where are you-Ah! David Mundell!”. Ruth dialed his number.

“H-hello?” Mundell picked up.

“This may sound absolutely terrible but I need you to gather up a team to help us take down wee nippie and I need you to take out some SNP MPs while you're at it”

“Whut? How are you even gonnae take down Nicola Sturgeon? What's going oan in 'at big heed ay yoors, Davidson?”

“Thanks, _Dave_. Well, we are going to stop the SNP once and for all but we need to make sure all Scottish opposition is eliminated, pronto. Please just trust me on this one!”

“A'ight, fine. You want me to abduct some MPs, aye?”

“And also gather some Tory MPs to come up an' help me – I've already got Cameron, Osborne and Gove”

“Oh Gove! Alright, I'm oan it!”

“Thank you”. And with that, Ruth excitedly drove off.

* * *

 

Kezia, Patrick and Willie burst into the First Minister's office with an almighty crash.

“Whit th' fuck, Rennie?” Patrick scorned.

“Aam sorry, okay? It was an accident!”

“Aam naw sure that pushing o'er an MSP's ENTIRE ANTIQUE COLLECTION WAS AN ACCIDENT!” Kezia screamed.

“Alright! Okay now! No one knows it was us yet!”

“Willie, you are aware that CCTVs exist, right?” Patrick asked him. Willie went bright red.

“Okay, okay. Let's get back to the job at hand. Nicola's password. Anyone know it?”. Kezia and Patrick glared at him in utter disgust.

“I understand that it was a silly question but it was worth a try” Willie reassured them while sitting down in the First Minister's desk chair “Hey, Kezia! You can have her desk now!”

“Fuck off, Willie” Kezia murmured under her breath, her head in the palm of her hand.

“I'm meant to be the one with the 'mad hacking skills' here, Rennie” Patrick reminded him, sitting on his lap.

“Now, it would probably be a long string of numbers that would've been emailed to her” Harvie spoke “anyone know the whereabouts of her iPad?”. Everyone looked blankly at each other.

“Okay then!”

“No one will be able to remember a password that long and jumbled!” Kezia reminded them “She's probably written it down somewhere...”

“Alright, we've got a lead!” Patrick rejoiced “Everyone, search this room!”. Willie and Kezia both rolled their eyes in unison, and so they started to sift through her draws and folders.

* * *

 

“And so that concludes our cabinet meeting for today, it has been a very productive one” Theresa ended, to the applause of her loyal cabinet. She got up and bowed to her friends and they rose to give her a standing ovation.

“Come on, guys. Time to get to work!”. And so everyone gathered their things and left. Theresa saw that David Mundell had ushered Amber, Jeremy and Boris to one side as she got up from her desk – but she thought nothing about it! Besides, they were probably just having a gossip. Or were they?

“Hey, Liz” Theresa muttered to Elizabeth Truss “Can you eavesdrop into what Mundell and that lot are discussing, only I need to quickly head back up to my apartment and they look rather shifty...”

“Of course, Prime Minister”

“Thank you, Liz”.

Theresa made her way back up the staircase to her apartment. She couldn't wait to embrace her Scottish sweetheart. Theresa was longing to have another passionate snog with Nicola, safely in each others arms. Theresa typed in the code and unlocked the front door. Hmm, Nicola's shoes and coat had disappeared. Had she left? Her stomach dropped. Theresa belted into her bedroom and flung open the door. No one was there. Her duvet laid crumpled and it looked like someone had just got out of it...maybe half an hour ago?

“Nicola?” Theresa shouted, hoping to hear the reply of her calming voice “Nicola? Where are you, my dear?”. Theresa barged into the living room, tears swelling in her eyes. The room was empty.

“Theresa!” Liz shouted, hurrying into her apartment before the door automatically closed “Theresa” she panted “They're talking about the SNP MPs again”

“Oh, that's fine” Theresa reassured her.

“And their discussing taking down someone by the nickname of _nippie sweetie_?”. Theresa's eyes widened. She swiftly turned to face her.

“Details, Liz. I need details”

“They said they were making their way over to Edinburgh tonight with Ruth, Cameron, Osborne and Gove to 'extinguish a great evil'. What does that even mean?”

“That means something very bad, Liz. Very very bad, indeed. Come on, get on your coat. We're heading up to Scotland!”

“But what about the committee meeting, Prime Minister?”

“What about it, Liz? They're going to kill Nicola! We need to stop them!”

“Shouldn't we call the police?”

“WE'RE ABOVE THE POLICE, LIZ! And besides, they wouldn't do shit! Come on!”. Theresa then tugged a mildly confused Liz Truss by the wrist, dragging her out of Downing Street and down into the nearest tube station, never to be seen again until the clock struck midnight. Everything was about to change...

 


	4. Sprint to the Finish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Westminster react to Ruth's proposition? Who will get involved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 2 to Chapter 3 which I why I'm posting it today!! Final part comes Sunday so be prepared! Sturwood sequel will come sometime this week too.

“FOOND IT!!!” Willie Rennie cried, lifting the piece of paper up into the air like it was a 'Circle of Life' re-enactment.

“Great job, pal” Patrick congratulated him, patting him on the shoulder and snatching the document out of his hands “Let's see...yes...alright” he mumbled to himself as he made his way back to the desk. Kezia and Willie crowded around him, hoping with all their hearts that the password was correct.

“Gotcha” Patrick whispered as he successfully logged onto Nicola's computer.

“Well done Patrick” said Kezia.

“Hey! I was the one who found it!” Willie insisted.

“Okay fine. Well done Willie”. Willie smiled. For once in his life he'd done something right, and he was going to lap up every moment of it. Patrick opened Internet Explorer (the worlds best browser) and typed in the URL for Holyrood's email system.

“Ha! Typical Nicola. Always forgetting to log off!” Patrick giggled. Patrick filtered the emails to the end of November 2014 – when Nicola was elected First Minister.

“Anything for Secret Services yet?” Kezia inquired, fascinated by the sheer confidentially of these emails and noticeably excited at the thought of breaking in.

“Ah. Secret Services contact details. I told you they had a special number for special people!” Patrick told them “Willie, write that doon – we'll need it for later!”. Willie obeyed and scribbled it down on the same piece of paper like the right numpty he is. The door opened.

“Eh-Whit ur ye lot daein' in th' office of th' First Minister? Eh?” Shona Robison asked them sternly. Patrick went red.

“Shite”

“Shite indeed. Reit, time tae teel Ken Macintosh oan ye”

“Naw, wait!” Patrick exclaimed “Nicola's in trouble!”

“Aye, wi' ye lookin' at top secrit information, she will be!”

“Naw! Ruth is gonnae kill 'er sae we're tryin' tae fin' MI5!” exclaimed Patrick, practically begging the Health Secretary at this point.

“Shona! Please!” Kezia cried “Don't you want your friend to live?”. Shona stood in her place, confused but mostly terrified. Why would Ruth want to kill her?

“Fine. I'll help if ye want...” Shona sighed.

“Thank you”

* * *

 

 

“Jeremy, Amber + Boris, may I have a word wi' ye?” David Mundell asked them at the end of the cabinet meeting.

“Of course, David!” Jeremy cheered. He was rather too excited considering that he currently had a whole nation against him.

“Well Ruth Davidson, ya know, the other Scottish one?”. The trio nodded.

“Yeah well, Ruthy has come up with a way of getting rid of _nippie sweetie_ once and for all”

“Really?” Boris asked, intently. David nodded, waiting for the silence in the cabinet room to fade.

“Well tell us!”

“Well, it's not exactly moral, but, she's gathering a team together to interrogate her and, effectively, take her off the map, and-”

“We can't do that!” Hunt protested, slightly scared.

“You're about to kill off a load of Junior Doctors for Christ sake, Hunt! Play along!”

“But, David, who says we're not going to get caught?”

“Ruth has that all sorted. Besides, who in the media is going to care? We're extinguishing a great evil! The union will be saved!”

“I mean, the Guardian might...what about the SNP MPs? They'll end all our political careers before you could even say the word 'independence'!”

“That's why we're also taking them out, Amber”

“Amber, this is a, might I say, a-a-a brilliant plan and I think we should all play along with it” Boris told her “Who else is helping us, Mundell?”

“Ruth said she's got Osborne, Gove and Cameron with her so-”

“MARVELLOUS!” Boris yelled “We might as well gather some more of the Brexit bunch then. It's going to be fun and games and I'll play a nice game of crochet at the end of it”

“Brilliant, Boris” said Mundell, slightly weirded out “Are the rest of you coming with me, or naw?”

“I guess....” Amber and Jeremy sighed in unison. What the hell were they about to get themselves in to?

 

* * *

 

Liz Truss stumbled out of the cabinet room. She knew EXACTLY what they were getting themselves into and she was in a great deal of shock.

“They're going...to kill....Nicola...St-”

“Who is?” an observant Jeremy Corbyn asked from the door frame of another room.

“Jeremy! Oh nothing. Ya know. Normal day in Downing Street” she panted.

“Elizabeth, who is going to kill Nicola Sturgeon?”

“Oh no one! It's okay!”. Liz tried to lean against a statue but failed to notice the metal vase which was balanced there, and so she knocked it off. Liz scrambled to get it back on.

“Everything's fine!” she cheered and made her way back up the staircase. But Jeremy already knew exactly what was about to unfold, and he was hell bent on stopping it from taking place.

 

* * *

 

Tim Farron stumbled down the London streets, desperately trying to locate Nick Clegg. Where would he be? He said he'd be in London today! He tried to call his number once more, only for it to be on answer phone.

“This is bullshit” Farron muttered under his breath. If only there was another person in his party who'd know the whereabouts of Clegg! He decided to go on a whim and call Willie Rennie. Tim dialled the number and put his phone to his ear. There were some frantic cries from down the line by the time Rennie picked up.

“Willie!”

“Tim? What's wrong? Sorry, we were arguing with the cabinet over who should call MI5!”

“Er, okay. Do you know where Nick Clegg is? It's just he was meant to meeting me today in London”

“He was meant to be meeting me too! Well, until Ruth Davidson dragged him off. Did he double book?”

“I suppose” sighed Tim. He hated being ignored by his idol “Anyway, what's this about MI5?”

“Ruth is going to murder Nicola Sturgeon. She took Clegg with her for some unknown reason”

“Murder?! Why?!”

“The Tories will do almost anything to get into power. Look, can you gather a team of MPs to help us? Maybe if there is a public outcry they'll stop as it would draw too much negative attention towards them”

“Of course! So you're getting MI5 I'm getting some MP-”. I guess he didn't see that bus.

* * *

 

Boris lead David by the hand to a nearby pub.

“Well, I must say, David, this is a, dare I say it, rather extreme approach from your side”

“Aye, well, I'm just following Ruth's orders”

“Aren't we going to tell the Prime Minister first?”

“I'll phone her on the way up”. Boris found a table near the back where, all by himself, sat Nigel Farage chugging a pint of beer.

“Ah! Nigel!” Boris exclaimed, running over the shake the hand of his old pal “Great to see you!”

“Long time no see, Boris! And who have you brought along? Mundell?”

“Aye! Long story!” chuckled David, who really wasn't expecting that he'd have to ask for help from Nigel Farage in his entire life. He was actually kind of embarrassed.

“Well, well, my friend here has told me he needs some help tracking the Brexit bus down so we can get to Scotland without being traced by the pesky media”

“Well I do have the keys, Boris!” Nigel laughed “Why do we need to get to Scotland?”. Mundell gathered them around him and told them to be quiet.

“Well, Ruth is planning on eliminating Sturgeon” he muttered “And she's asked us to help her and so we need a reliable method of getting up there alongside a few hostages”

“Hostages?” asked Nigel “What do we need hostages for?”

“I don't know Ruth's thinking, but just run with it, okay?”

“Who's getting the hostages then?” Nigel continued.

“Amber and Jeremy”

* * *

 

 

“RIGHT YOU LOT!” Amber screamed at the top of her lungs, scaring the shit out of 4 SNP MPs who were innocently discussing independence in their office (as per usual) “GET DOWN!”. She was holding a fake shotgun she stole from the HoC, and was aiming at their heads. Mhairi, Alex and Tasmina all cowered under Angus' desk.

“Why are you robbing us?” an unfazed Angus asked them.

“We're not, you pleb” Hunt scathed bitterly at him whilst Amber gagged him and tied him up.

“You'll never take us alive!” shouted Mhairi.

“More to scare Nicola with!” cheered Jeremy, to the rather unamused face of Rudd, who wanted to deport them alive. Together, they dragged them kicking and screaming into two shopping trolleys, making sure they could not escape.

“My lawyer will here about this!” Tasmina yelled, spitting at them as they put on the last gag.

“Not when you're dead, love” Hunt reassured her, to the faint amusement of Rudd. Amber then went out to check the corridor was empty.

“No one here, Jeremy!”. And so the duo pushed their 'groceries' through the corridors of the House of Commons and out of the fire exit. To their surprise, Nigel Farage was standing outside the exit with the Brexit bus.

“First class trip to Scotland, lads?”

“Aye” replied an exhausted Amber Rudd “Room for hostages?”

“Always”.

 

* * *

 

The three of them loaded 4 struggling Scottish Nationalists into the back of the bus, making sure they could not escape. Mundell watched over them whilst on the phone to Ruth. She told him she was just heading over to Edinburgh and that they should all have a meeting in the bus to finalise the details of the master plan.

“Aye, of course, Ruth. I'll just phone Theresa and get her on boar-”

“NO! DO NOT PHONE THE PRIME MINISTER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! DO YOU HEAR ME, MUNDELL?”

“I'm sure he can” a high-key done Michael Gove reassured her in the background, to a harsh slap on his thigh.

“Shut it, Gove” she spat “The Prime Minister wants Nicola to go independent. That's why she defended her! Theresa's a traitor! Do not listen to her, Mundell, I'm telling you!”

“Okay...sheesh...fine!”. Mundell rolled his eyes.

“We'll be there at about 6 o'clock at the very latest”

“Alright. Take care”

“You too!”. And she hung up. David couldn't half believe Ruth Davidson had just told her to not listen to her boss! This wasn't the Labour party!

“Sit down, plebs!” announced Boris on the microphone “We're in for a long journey!”.

“Right, I'll drive now, Boris” argued Nigel.

“No, I want to drive”

“You're drunk, Nigel, y-y-you'll get us into very much trouble with the law and I'm not riski-”

“Oh shut it, Johnson!”. Nigel snatched the wheel and started to drive. At first it was roughly a straight line, but it slowly began to waver. Boris swiftly regained control of the wheel.

“I told you, Nigel, you're not qualifi-”

“-SHUT IT YOU MIGRANT!” Nigel slurred, steering the bus onto a pavement. Boris hijacked the wheel so they could turn the corner before he crashed into a building. The bus swerved, hitting a random pedestrian into a nearby park.

“HooooooooooOOoOOome ruuUUUnnNNNN!” slurred Nigel. Boris could've sworn he'd spent too much time in America.

“I will take it from here” Boris instructed Nigel, making him sit down. David stumbled up to the front.

“Was that Tim Farron you just hit?”

“Ah, loony lefties. Always playing the victim card!” Boris joked “Just sit back down, David. Everything's going to be okay”

 

* * *

 

“Tim? Tim! Ach- I've lost him!” Willie cried, hanging up the call.

“Call him again!” ordered Kezia “We cannae lose him now!”

“No. You know what, Kezia, I'm going to call MI5 instead because they'll aCtUaLLY DAE SOMETHIN'!”

“Ur ye tryin' tae say Ah dornt dae jobby aroond haur, Willie Rennie?”

“CALM IT!” yelled John Swinney, who was infinitely done with everyone by this point “We're gonnae gie thes sorted in a calm, ministerial fashion”

“Who's calling the polis, then?” asked a salty Patrick Harvie. who had got his bitch face on and his tongue in his cheek. His arms and legs were crossed and he was perching on the desk Kezia so desperately wanted.

“I will”

 

* * *

 

“Oh my gosh! Natalie, look!” Caroline Lucas rushed over to Tim Farron's side. He had been thrown through a bush and a couple of trees into the park.

“That stupid bus” muttered Natalie, kneeling down before him “Tim? Tim are you okay?”. Tim slowly regained consciousness.

“Caroline? Natalie? Yeah, I'm fine”. He looked absolutely exhausted. Battered you may even say!

“I was just looking....for....Nick...Cl-”

“Nick? Oh I'm sure he's fine! Tim, we're going to get you to the hospital!”

“NO!” cried Tim, sitting up straight almost instantaneously “I need to gather MPs to save Nicola!”

“Nicola? Oh dear, Caroline, he might have brain damage!”

“NO! They're going to kill her!”

“Kill who, Tim? You need to explain!” urged Caroline.

“I was talking to Willie Rennie on the phone and he said Ruth had abducted Nick and was going to kill Nicola” Tim panted “He asked me to gather some MPs to make some noise so we can stop her”. Tim jumped to his feet, his trousers ripped and his shirt stained with blood.

“Come on, you two! I have hardly any party left anyway! And I say: what the hell! let's join Labour!”.

 

* * *

 

Big Ben struck 10 as Corbyn called an emergency meeting with some Labour veterans. They weren't used to being called so abruptly, but there they were.

“Comrades, I need your advice”

“Oh dear. Have the PLP started backstabbing you again?” questioned Yvette.

“No, it's much worse than that”

“Then what could it possibly be?”

“It seems we may be about to witness a repeat of the Jo Cox scenario if we do not intervene right at this second”. Everyone in the room looked at each other, shocked.

“Oh dear” gasped Yvette “Not again”

“It appears the Conservatives have gotten rather frustrated with a certain Scottish First Minister and they have planned to assassinate her”

“They can't do that!” Andy Burnham cried, tears filling his anime eyes.

“To make matters worse, Ed Miliband and Owen Smith have gone missing. I fear that they may be a part of this too”. Everyone gasped. There was a frantic knock at the door.

“Come in!”. Tim Farron practically fell into the room and landed at Ed Balls' feet. He looked like he had just been dragged through a hedge. Caroline and Natalie followed him. Everyone was extremely confused. Tim stood up and brushed off the Earth from his shirt.

“Sorry guys, I just got hit by a bus” Tim coughed “Natalie and Caroline saved me though”

“A bus?!” cried Andy as he rushed to aid his injured friend “Which bus? Where?”

“The Brexit Bus”

“THE BREXIT BUS?!” everyone in the room yelled in utter disbelief.

“I could've sworn the driver was drunk” Caroline sighed.

“I'm alright guys, seriously. I just got off the phone with Willie Rennie as Nick Clegg has magically disappeared. Now, he says Ruth Davidson kidnapped him and is off to kill Nicola Sturgeon. What do we do exactly?” asked Tim. Half the room wanted to say 'do you have no party left or something?' but they realised that that was exactly the case, and the reason why he'd brought himself and the Greens to aid in this grand socialist quest.

“Have you contacted the police?” inquired McDonnell.

“Willie's just called MI5” said Tim, to the amusement of everyone “Now we can only just hope and pray that they get there in time”

“No” stated Jeremy “No”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?!” yelled Ed Balls in disgust.

“We must aid the secret services in their mission. The Brexit bus, you say, Tim?”

“Yes”

“Where were they heading when this happened?”

“Well, out of London”

“And who was driving?”. Tim looked over to Caroline and Natalie.

“Well I don't want to make assumptions” stated Natalie.

“Oh please do”. Natalie carried on.

“It looked like Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson were bickering at the wheel. Their driving wasn't even remotely squiggly! Never mind straight!”

“Well then” Jeremy sighed, clicking his knuckles “I think we have a lead”

 

* * *

 

 

“So this is the Lib Dem battle bus” introduced Farron, wiping the blood from his face onto his sleeve “What a beauty”.

“Well, come on, team!” Jeremy cheered, ushering them aboard “Time to kick some Conservative butt!”

“But Jeremy!” Yvette cried “We need to quickly stock up on food and water so we don't have to make pit stops! They'll cost us time!”

“You're right, Yvette”. Jeremy turned to his best buddy, John.

“Make a list! We're going to Tesco!”

“Right, Boss!” obeyed John McDonnell “Everybody, choose one thing you want to eat on the bus that we can buy at Tesco and put it on the list!”. Everyone shuffled around John's list, everyone except Jeremy and Tim.

“Jeremy” asked Tim “Do you think we'll be able to save her in time?”

“Yes, Tim. I think we will”

* * *

 

 

The gang clambered out of the Liberal Democrat battle bus and on to the pavement outside Tesco. The chimes of Big Ben striking 11 could be heard all the way here! John McDonnell had his list in hand as the last of them hopped onto the pavement.

“We'll look after the bus” said Tim, who was pointing at both himself and Jeremy.

“Alright” said John, and scurried off with the rest of the clan.

Once they were inside, Ed Balls started practising his Strictly routine with Andy. John could've sworn they were made for each other. Yvette was noticeably unamused.

“Right, biscuit aisle everyone” instructed Yvette who was now chief Mother of the group. Ed grabbed a mallet out from the discount bucket and started twirling around the shop with it. Andy's eyes widened with joy as he saw his political sweetheart dance so elegantly with a blunt object. Philip Hammond, who had come to Tescos to finish his weekly shopping, stared at Ed and chuckled.

“Ed! You're hardly Miley Cyrus! Put that mallet down before you hurt somebody!” Philip exclaimed.

“I don't think there's a chance of that anytime soon!” explained John McDonnell “Have a nice day!”

“You too!”. Yvette glared at John.

“He could've been one of _them_ , John! And you told him to have a nice day!” she whispered, aggrieved.

“It feels good to be nice to people, wouldn't you say, Yvette?”. Yvette sighed heavily, distinctly offended.

“I hate you sometimes”

“Nah ya don't”.

The clan reached the biscuit aisle in no time, but Ed had stopped – in fact, he was backing up!

“Ed?” Andy asked “What's the matter?”

“Look!” he whispered. A short, medium built woman in heels was storming down the aisle, her hair flowing like a Lion's mane and her long black coat caught in the wind. She was intently looking for biscuits. Ed Balls assumed it was Tunnocks.

“Is that?” said Andy “No....”

“Philip Hammond's here” Yvette gasped “He might be looking for her”

“Yvette don't be si-”

“John I'm not being silly! This is a reasonable anxiety of mine!”

“She's right, John. Whatever the Tories are doing, they've got the whole crew on board. Philip is high profile enough to be one of them. Better safe than sorry” affirmed Andy. John sighed.

“Then what are we going to do, exactly?”. Ed looked down at his mallet.

“Fancy a bit of kidnapping, anyone?” he inquired.

“Ed...” said John “how about a bit of ushering Nicola out of the building and not hurting anyone? Just a suggestion”

“Quick!” exclaimed Andy “Philip's coming!! ED DO IT!!”

“What?! No Ed that's a silly-”. Ed Balls made a run for it.

“NOW!!!!”

* * *

 

 

Nicola didn't know where she was. All she knew was that Theresa had tried to hit on her the previous night and that her dietary choices were shit and boring. Big Ben struck 12. 12 hours until the deciding moment. 12 hours until her final hour drew upon us all. 12. long. hours. And everything was about to change...

 

 


	5. While the City Sleeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters from all corners of Nicola's life have come together to stop this terrible fate. So what will happen next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry everything has been a day late so far! I've been a bit busy as half term comes to an end. Here's your final installment of 'The Formation of a Union we all want'. This story WILL carry on in 'Let Me Be Your Umbrella', where EVERYTHING will end up making sense. In order to give you a better understanding of the story, read my other fanfictions. 'Her', 'Let Me Be Your Umbrella' and, in the end, 'Something Magical' WILL MAKE SENSE TO THE NARRATIVE SO PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT. I WILL be adding chapters to all of them and 'Let Me Be Your Umbrella' will become my main series I publish on Sundays, so stay tuned. Until then, enjoy!

The train wheels clamoured across the tracks as fast as their rapid momentum could drag them. They raced across them as fast as Theresa's blood gushed around her rattled system, fleeing back to bonnie Scotland. Thoughts and ideas scampered around her mind. Nothing seemed clear to Theresa anymore.

“What the hell is Ruth going to do to her?” she screamed at herself “I thought we were friends!”. Panicking, Theresa turned to Liz, who was calmly sitting next to her reading a book about nature.

“Liz, did they say anything specific that they were going to do? Or where they were going to go?” Theresa pleaded “What are they going to do to her??!”

“It's okay, Theresa” Liz assured her, placing her freshly moisturised hands on her shoulders “She's going to be fine”

“But I need to know, Liz” she sniffled “I can't bear living with the knowledge that it was my fault that this has happened. I made it easy for them! I need to stop them and the only way I can do that is to know what they're up to!”

“Well they said they were going to interrogate her and then 'take her off the map'. Does that give you some kind of clue?”

“Interrogate her?”

“I doubt they'll get far past the security”. Liz then took out her phone and opened up an app which lets you track phone numbers. She looked back at Theresa.

“What's her personal phone number?” she asked. Theresa then hesitantly opened up her contact list and gave it to her, pointing to the number labelled 'My Nippie Sweetie <3'. Liz dialled the number in to the app. They both intently waited as the shitty internet reconnected and...voilà! The M6. Nicola was making her way up the M6.

 

* * *

 

“I WILL NOT CONFORM TO YOUR IDEALISTIC BELIEFS, CAROLINE!” howled Ed Balls as they fought over some pork pies “I WILL HAVE MY PIES AND I WILL EAT THEM TOO!”. Ed then furiously fell down off the top of the coach seats (from his Gollum position) and scrambled to the window, obsessively stroking his meat.

Jeremy sat quietly at the front of the bus, trying to make sense of a letter he had just been given.

“Kill Nicola Sturgeon?” he muttered “Why would they want to kill Nicola Sturgeon?”

“I don't know, Jezza” sighed John, shaking his head “I just don't know”. Jeremy turned to Tim, who was quietly reading a lifestyle magazine behind him.

“And what's all the shouting in the back for, Tim?”

“From what I heard, it's over animal welfare and vegetarianism, Jeremy”. They both rolled their eyes. Fucking meat eaters. He sighed and continued to read the letter.

 

_'But if you remember one thing from the pad of paper, please remember this: There are some very tough times ahead of you. Some very tough times indeed. Please, whatever you do, look after Theresa the best you can. You will be rewarded in the end. But it's my time to go now. To leave this pretty world behind. But our legacy will continue, and you will live to fight another day. Please, I implore you, Jeremy, seize this opportunity with all your might. That is my final request.'_

 

Nicola awoke from her slumber to a clutter of violent screaming and bickering from the fully grown 'adults' who were, in theory, about to have lunch. She dismally gurned as she reluctantly propped herself up on the sofa seats, trying her best to comprehend what was going on.

“ED, YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING TO ANIMAL SUFFERING AND CONDONING ANIMAL RIGHTS ABUSES” bellowed Natalie “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?”

“Leave him alone, Natalie!” howled Yvette, who was rather fed up of all this kerfuffle “Let him have his lunch, already!”

“Huh?” Nicola groaned, sweeping a hand through her hair and letting out a loud yawn “It's lunch time already?”. Natalie, Caroline, Yvette and Andy abruptly turned to face her, shocked that she'd awoken from such a heavy whack on the head.

“Whit?” she asked, mildly irritated “You obviously brought me here. Why are you so shocked to find out I have woken up?”. There was dead silence.

“Ruth's going to kill you..” muttered Andy, who was then swiftly gagged by Yvette's hand.

“Kill me?”. Natalie, Caroline, Yvette and Andy all looked at each other and sorrowfully nodded their heads.

“Why?”.

 

* * *

 

The day turned to night, and Ruth's master plan was about to unfold. She quietly parked her car on the 3rd story of the car park and instructed Gove, Cameron and Osborne to take a hostage each. David (obviously) took Clegg and carried him in his loving arms; Osborne took Miliband and Gove took Smith. Together, they stumbled down the complex staircase and to the side of an abandoned road, where her political buddies had shabbily parked the Brexit Bus. Mundell saw Ruth from the wing mirrors and opened the door.

“Right, team!” he yelled to the bickering snobs, ushering them to the back “Find a seat around the table!”

“Ah, I-I-I take it our lovely boss is here” stuttered Boris.

“Indeed” he replied.

Ruth was the first to enter and firmly shook Mundell's hand.

“Pleasure to see you again on this beautiful night, David” she affirmed.

“It's a pleasure to see you too”

“Where do we put our...” she glanced down at the unconscious bodies “..hostages”. David directed them to a few seats situated outside the 'meeting room', where Mhairi and Tasmina were frantically struggling to snap the ropes that bound them. They were only further infuriated by Ruth, David, Gove and Osborne's presence.

“Can I look after Clegg only...” Cameron breathed to Mundell “...I don't want him to be hurt by that SNP lot”

“Aye, alright” he shrugged. And so Cameron sat near the front and tenderly cuddled his wee, adorable, Cleggy-weggy in his arms!

Everyone gathered around the table, Ruth at the head, eager to hear what she had to say.

“I'm so glad you could all make it here tonight” she began “Firstly, I must stress how much I understand how inconvenient this may have been for some of us, but I can reassure you that this will benefit you all in the long run”

“So, what's the plan, Ruth?” asked Boris “O-O-Only I-I-I don't want it to be as non-existent as-as-as Brexit”

“Shut up, Boris, you utter fool” rebutted Gove, who was sulking in the corner over not being allowed any of Ruth's expensive whiskey. She rolled her eyes.

“...anyway. The plan is that we get into Bute House through the back exit” Ruth explained, pulling out an enlarged floor-plan and spreading it across the table “I think we should send about 3 or 4 people who are good at being quiet and agile and...discreet”

“Well, I blackmailed half the bloody country and they were completely oblivious!” cried Nigel “I'm sure I'm more than certified to do that!”

“You're drunk, Nigel” stated Amber “go home!”

“Look, Amber, I know you're Home Secretary and all-”

“Stop it with the bickering, Nigel. Some of us actually want to take part in this beautiful once-in-a-generation event!” warned Osborne to the screams of Alex Salmond in the back.

“Nicola's supposedly staying there tonight and so” explained Ruth, pulling out a bottle of chloroform, an old rag, a taser and a couple of loaded pistols “in theory, we should get a good catch”.

“What about the guards, or the staff, or her husband, or her?” Jeremy queried.

“There are no guards, Jeremy! Just alarms, ye know?”

“Then how the hell are we going to get past the alarms?!”. Jeremy stood up, but promptly sat down as Ruth rolled 6 batteries down the table in front of him.

“Already sorted...”.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the curtains, Mhairi perilously struggled against the ropes which chained her to her seat. The ropes were, sure enough, durable, but they could snap at any moment. Just one more tug now....and....gotcha! Mhairi was finally free. She eagerly tore away the ropes from her body and began to untie Tasmina.

“Don't ye worry guys. I'll gie ye oot ay thes shitehole in nae time” she muttered, cautious not to disturb their meeting. Tasmina finally broke free.

“Ah cooldnae breathe in 'at hin'! Thenk god ye exist, Mhairi!” Tasmina sighed.

“Shhh, keep it doon”. The duo then began to untie Alex and Angus, and then Ed and Owen, and then-

“Wait” whispered Mhairi “Where's Clegg?”

“With Cameron!” said Alex, rolling his eyes.

“They've fallen asleep already!” giggled Angus. He then immediately took out his phone and called his boss to tell her what happened. The phone rang. And rang. And rang.

“Hello?”

“Nicola”

“Angus. Are you alright?”

“Aye, just in a bit of a sticky situation reit noo” he whispered.

“Aim naw yer life advice service, Angus!” she giggled “Whit's th' matter?”

“The Eton Brigade kidnapped us. Ay 'hink we're ootside Charlotte Square en the Brexit Bus”

“Funay 'at. aam oan th' other side ay Charlotte Square oan th' Lib Dem battle bus!”

“Wa es 'hat?”

“Ruth's tryin' tae murder me. Yer Westminster colleagues say 'hat it's safer fer me tae stay here”

“Tasmina, Mhairi, Alex and I just escaped so should we come over tae th' Bus too?”

“Aye. They have Tunnocks, whiskey, shortbread an' tea here. Yoo'll have a whale ay a time!”

“Yesssss. Coming reit 'roond, boss”

“See ye then!”

“Byeee!”. Nicola hung up, glad that her MPs were finally safe. She made her way back to the gathering at the table.

“Who was that?” asked Yvette, who shuffled along to give Nicola her space back.

“Angus. Just telling me 'hat th' MPs Ruth kidnapped are safe and sound and are making their way o'er here reit noo”

“Thank God” Andy sighed “I'm glad their okay”

“It's okay, Andy” reassured Ed Balls, rubbing Andy's back for that extra comfort “They are strong people and they were probably alright from the start”. McDonnell and Farron made their way to the back of the coach with their defense plan scribbled down onto a floor-plan of Bute. Tim stood at the head of the table.

“Right, so, here's the plan”

 

* * *

 

 

The cab driver quietly parked outside the hidden entrance of Bute House. Two figures emerged from the passenger door, each bearing handbags as they shuffled on to the cobbles in questionably high heels. The woman with the grey hair was about to walk down the hidden staircase when she saw something from the corner of her bright blue eyes. In fact, someone. Some people. 3 people trying to break in. The blonde haired woman stood by her side and leant into the other woman's ear.

“Who do you think they are?” she whispered, noticeably concerned.

“I don't know, but they're definitely up to no good”.

Ruth, Amber and Michael stood at the bottom of the staircase, carelessly trying to break the lock on the heavy, metal door, but to no avail.

“How did you get in here before exactly, Ruth?” Amber desperately muttered in her ear.

“Through here” she replied “It's just a bit-”. The door flung wide open.

“-difficult”

“Not so fast” stated a mysterious English figure, whose heels clapped against the stone cold staircase “State your business, Ruth Davidson”. Gove struck a generous fire with his match box, dispersing the darkness and unveiling the mystical women who were halting their advance.

“Theresa?” Gove blurted out to the stares of Rudd and Davidson. It certainly looked like Michael Gove had just joined Jeremy Hunt on Amber Rudd's hit list!

“We know what you're up to, Davidson”

“And don't you want to help out?”

“No! Certainly not! Why would I want to assist in the murd-”

“Because politics!” spat Davidson, bitterly “now you can either help us destroy the vermin or you can FUCK OFF!”. Theresa and Liz looked at each other and smirked as 4 armed intelligence officers charged down the stairs. Oh deary me, was Ruth in trouble.

“RUN!!” she yelled, frantically ushering her minions into the building and slamming the door behind her. She expeditiously locked it and made a dash for it up into the building.

“What do we now?!” exclaimed Amber and Gove.

“We go upstairs, finish the deed and then” Ruth pulled out a strange looking device from her coat pocket “use this”

“What's that?”

“It's a teleport a friend gave me” explained Ruth with a heavy heart “Mar's last escape. His key to another life. I don't know how to use it but I know it works.”

“Mars is a strange name, don't you think?” Gove murmured.

“Yeah, sounds rather upper class to me, doesn't it, Gove?”. But before Gove could even act offended, Amber noticed a strange man leaning against the staircase up to Nicola's private residence. He was 5”6 and bore a scraggly white beard - like a homeless Santa Claus! But Christmas hadn't come early...

“State your business” the man instructed them. The trio looked at each other in utter confusion.

“Who are you again? Aren't you meant to be....like...not here?” argued Gove, who was growing ever more frustrated by the minute. Another figure, who was the same height as the other one but only a bit chubbier, emerged from the darkness and switched on the light.

“Why the hell are you trying to kill my wife?”

 

* * *

 

 

To passers-by, it would look like someone was having a party in that yellow bus. They all arrived in groups of 3 or 4, some in what society would assume was costume but was actually real. All 20 of them gathered around the back seats to discuss what they currently knew about the situation.

“So, Willie, what's actually going on from your end?” Tim inquired.

“Weel, in the early hours of thes morning-”

“Just cut to th' chase already, Rennie” scathed an exhausted and unusually grumpy Shona Robison “It's quite simple really”

“Alright. Ruth is trying to kill Nicola because she wants the Tories to have more power in Scotland”

“We called MI6 thes morning” Kezia continued “and they are currently stationed around th' building”

“Weel, yoo foond oot their number after hacking into Nicola's PRIVATE emails” lectured a stern Swinney, to an eyebrow raise and a couple stares from all sides of the table, _especially_ Nicola.

“Any questions?” interjected Harvie.

“What?”

“Why?”

“When?”

“How...TH' HELL did YOU get ento MA **PRIVATE** emails?!”

“ **AND WHERE IN THE NAME OF THE SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS IS NICK CLEGG??!?** ”

“Are all pretty valid questions, don't you think, Kez?” Patrick nodded.

“It was your idea to hack into her emails in the first place” Kezia argued.

“okay fine bUt the _real_ question here is: **wHeRE THE FUCK IS NICHOLAS WILLIAM PETER CLEGG?!!?** ” Farron exclaimed, worried sick about his sweet child and omniscient role model.

“David fell asleep with him in his arms on the Brexit Bus” sighed Tasmina “still bound with ropes...”

“No, Tim, I think the real question here is actually: Where the fuck did Corbyn go?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay but, where actually is my wife?” questioned Peter, tilting his head towards Corbyn.

“She's with the others, on the bus”

“Which bus?”

“The yellow, liberal one”

“Alright...” he sighed, looking down at the trio who were now desperately trying to scramble out of the ropes that Corbyn had bound them with, well, except Ruth, who suddenly stopped scrambling for a moment as she realised Jeremy had just given away Nicola's secret hiding spot.

“Wait, say that again...”

“Say what?” Corbyn asked, slightly perplexed.

“The Lib Dem Bus, did you say?” chuckled Ruth “Aaah, the Lib Dem Battle Bus!”. She only smiled and giggled as her team now knew the whereabouts of their beloved Sturgeon. Her team were listening in all this time through a microphone strapped to Ruth's inner jacket. No, not Amber + Gove, but Nigel, Jeremy and Boris - and they has been ordered to shoot-to-kill.

 

* * *

 

Kezia and Andy raced to the door of Bute House, careful not to trip up on the battered pavement.

“You have to let us in!” Kezia begged the guards “Jeremy's stuck in there!”. The focussed intelligence officers didn't care one bit about what Kezia had to say – all they knew was that Ruth Davidson had planned a murder and was currently in the building.

“OPEN UP NOW OR WE'LL FIRE!” one of the strange men yelled at the closed door. Jeremy eventually opened it, his hands high up in the air, and directed them into the cabinet room, where he'd tied up the trio. The men charged in just as the trio had untangled themselves, and stabbed Sturgeon's husband. Gove (who did the stabbing) was tackled to the floor by 3 burly men whilst Ruth and Amber where forcefully jammed against the table and arrested. There were frantic screams, gushing blood and desperate pleas for help, but no one could change their fate. Not even time itself.

Kezia swerved around the landing, extremely confused and slightly dazed, almost like she was watching her own life play back at her in slow motion.

“NO!!” yelled Nigel, who could be heard in the background “I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, YOU FILTHY IMMIGRANT!”. Everyone kept rushing past her. Everyone. Kezia stood still in the hallway, slowly laughing on as she watched 3 fascists get carried off to the place they belonged. Prison. Their toxicity firmly kept away from the general public. Kezia, Patrick and Willie all looked at each other and giggled. They'd saved the life of their friend today. Together.

 

* * *

 

Nicola drearily sipped at a small glass of whiskey as the last politician stepped off the bus and left her alone in the darkness. She couldn't half believe the events that had taken place in the past 24 hours. For one, she'd slept with Theresa May, the Prime Minister of a union she utterly despised and was eager to get out of. Secondly, Ruth Davidson, someone she regarded as a friend, had planned to kill her all for the sake of political gain. But then again, Nicola already knew the reason Ruth had stooped this low – and it was not entirely her fault.

A great bolt of light interrupted Nicola's train of thought, knocking it off the line. The light was fast and very bright but yet quiet and not at all hard on the eyes. A familiar figure fell out of it, and then, in the blink of an eye, the light was gone. This figure was draped in a dress of deep magenta which landed elegantly on the floor. Her eloquent brown locks were to die for and her soft hands laid face down in front of her. The woman looked up at her and smiled.

“Leanne?” asked Nicola.

“Nicola!” exclaimed Leanne, lobbing her body towards her, hugging her from the side. Nicola didn't understand what was going on or why - but she honestly didn't mind! Leanne propped herself and Nicola up against the sofa and softly kissed her on the cheek.

“Oh, hello” Nicola giggled. This was not the behaviour she was expecting from Leanne at all! Leanne snuggled into her and Nicola snuggled into Leanne. But there was something different about her this time. She seemed...older...

“What are you here for?” Nicola queried, playfully. Leanne looked up at her cheerfully...and then realised the time. It was 11:57pm. 3 minutes until midnight. 3 minutes until everything changed.

“You don't truly know me yet, do you?” said Leanne, bringing Nicola's soft hand to her cheek “You only know me as a friend...”

“A very good friend at that”. They both chuckled. Leanne adjusted her gaze to focus on Nicola's tired eyes, which still looked dreamy from her infatuated gaze.

“In 3 minutes, Ruth is going to teleport to the front of the bus and shoot you”. Nicola suddenly flashed her eyes at her, extremely concerned. Her heavy heart sank in her chest and her stomach violently contorted. There was silence for a moment while Nicola took that in. 3 minutes until Ruth pulls the trigger. She has 3 minutes left on planet Earth. The atmosphere grew far beyond dismal.

“Then why are you here?” breathed Nicola, who was close to tears “To watch me die?”

“No” stated Leanne “Not at all”. Leanne straddled Nicola's hips and placed her arms around her.

“I'm here to stop this from happening, so you can have a future”

“But aren't _I_ supposed to die? Ruth will shoot me, right? She'll finally get what she wants” cracked Nicola's voice, a tear rushing down her cheek.

“No. You'll get to live, my love”. Leanne lifted Nicola's hand to wipe away her tear. Nicola didn't even know why she was crying, but she was! It was now 11.58pm, 2 minutes until the deciding moment.

“My-my love?” she sniffled.

“Yes” Leanne assured her “Yes, my love. Because you are!”. Leanne's voice began to break too and very soon they were both in floods of tears. And very soon it was 11.59pm, 60 seconds until that fateful moment.

“In the future, we're together. We get married, Nicola! I'm your wife!”

“Then why are you here? Why would you want to die? Why don't you stay and live your life with me in the future?”

“Because I didn't have a choice!”. 40 seconds remained.

“Ruth has a teleport which can not only teleport her to places in the present, but it can also teleport her to places in the past and future. Because she was unsuccessful in the past, she's come back to try again”

“But I still live in the future, right? So it didn't work!”

“It didn't work for a reason, Nicola”. Leanne's eyes were now waterfalls, and the tears just kept on coming. 25 seconds until her great sacrifice. Leanne pulled out a letter she had written out of her bra and placed it in Nicola's palms.

“Take it, and read it when Ruth shoots me, Theresa, Philip and Jeremy at your front door, in the future. It's everything I want to say to you, but can't, because I'll be dead”. 15 seconds remained. Leanne got up from the table.

“No!” Nicola shouted, promptly standing up “don't you dare leave me, Leanne Wood! No! Not this time!”. Nicola frantically tried to run towards the love of her life, who was now about the give _her_ life for her.

“NO!” Leanne desperately screamed, abruptly holding her arm out to stop her “STAY!”. 10. 9. 8. Leanne looked up at her for the last time. 7. 6. 5.

“And if you ever spare a thought for me...” Leanne finished. 3. 2.

“Just always remember that...I love you, my dear”. 0.

The first shot pierced through the glass like a chainsaw through a sheet of paper. It bolted towards Leanne's chest and viciously ploughed through, halting her broken heart's last beats. They were her last words....and that was her last breath. Leanne nonchalantly fell to her knees as the second shot fired. Nicola could see Ruth staring directly at her through the broken pane. The bullet began to bolt through the atmosphere, hurtling towards her fragile, mortal flesh, but it was stopped by two more bolts of light. The bullet laboured through the chests of an aged Theresa May and her husband and, to put the final nail in the coffin, piercing through Leanne's skull, bringing it's careless torment to a stand still. The third shot fired, but from the side of the bus from an intelligence officer, shooting dead future Ruth Davidson. A Ruth Davidson present Nicola never got to know. But Nicola didn't even want to remember these harrowing memories anyway, for if she did she'd put a timer on their present day's lives, and she would never again be able to cherish those special moments with them again. She'd never truly live, especially with Leanne. The final chimes of the church bell rang out across the bustling city of Edinburgh. But Edinburgh had been silenced now, and the city finally laid to rest.

 

* * *

 

Theresa and Nicola huddled together on the steps of Bute House, with blankets generously wrapped around them. It was a nippy day in bonnie Scotland, and the Sun was showing no signs of ever gracing them with it's adoring presence. Clouds blanketed the skies, complimenting the foggy atmosphere which roamed the polluted city. Nicola gently rested her head on Theresa's shoulder.

“You alright?” she quietly asked her.

“Yeah. You?”. Theresa wrapped her arm around the pint-sized woman.

“I'm fine” she sighed, knowing she'd have to live with the knowledge that both Leanne and Theresa would one day lay their lives down in exchange for her future. A future shrouded in mystery and heartbreak. Theresa frowned.

“Nicola”

“Theresa”

“Look” she groaned “I don't think we're going to work out”

“Aye?”

“Aye...”

“Why?”

“Just because!”. Even though Nicola may have been dumbfounded in that very moment, she understood well that they weren't going to last much longer. Besides, they're both married! Nicola's husband may be in hospital, but she believed he'd make it out again alive! In addition, she's expected to marry Leanne somewhere down the line! But Theresa was still significant to her story, it's just Nicola didn't quite know how yet...

“Please...” breathed Nicola. Over the past day Nicola's heart and been repeatedly smashed, it's shards spread out over the floor in front of her, stinging at her eyes and cutting away at her soul. Nicola had genuinely thought that she and Theresa had a connection and they did, but just for a moment. One precious moment, and she'd let it make her think that this love was true...

“Nicola.” Theresa growled, seemingly annoyed with Nicola's reluctance to accept the truth. She shoved her off of her shoulder and stood upright, making her way down the steps.

“Theresa!” shouted Nicola, who ran to follow her. Theresa put her arm out in front of her.

“You clingy bitch. You make yourself out to be some sort of powerful nationalist..” Theresa scathed “but I bet you don't even know what a nationalist is!”

“Theresa, please!” she yelled, picking up her pace “Was is something I said? Did I do something wrong?”. Theresa picked up her pace, fuming. She didn't even know why she was this infuriated – she just was!

“And don't you eVeN tHINK FOR A SECOND THAT THIS, YOUNG LADY, MEANS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR MEANINGLESS, DIVISIVE AND OVERALL **DESTRUCTIVE** INDEPENDENCE REFERENDUMS, YOU NAGGY WHORE!” The Prime Minister bellowed. Theresa stopped in her tracks for a moment. There was no way back for her. Theresa glared at Nicola. Nicola cried at Theresa. The sight of her made Theresa her sick to her stomach. The Prime Minister then agilely clambered into a nearby car and swiftly drove off, leaving Nicola begging for her at the side of the road like the wee girl she'd made her out to be. And now, Nicola was alone...

 


End file.
